Mary Was a Perfect Gentleman, 8/19/1981

“Mary was a perfect gentleman.”

That’s what all the ladies at the PTA said. But do you know, most of them were totally ignorant of the accepted social graces. They wore their shoes inside out. They wore beauty masks, but forgot to peel them off. One woman was accidentally taken to a fancy restaurant. As she got out of her chair to go, she discovered that she had forgotten to wear a slip. After glancing around the room, she lifted her skirt sky high and shrieked in amazement.

But they all insisted that Mary was a perfect gentleman. And in their foggy eyes she was indeed marvelous. But the chairman of the PTA had failed to realize that Mary had escaped from the monkey house at the nearby zoo. Later, the zoo keeper kept repeating to the police, “I don’t understand it—she was such a perfect gentleman.” 

(stream of consciousness writing—jotted down while sitting in my parent’s old jalopy, waiting to report to a truly awful summer job at A.M. Best.)


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